What part needs to change?

Once I started unpacking my stuff, and decolonizing my mind, I started realizing what the hell was going on around me. 

And that’s when the arguments with my white boyfriends began. So long as you’re not making a fuss, playing by their rules, and shutting up everything’s fine. But once you start having an opinion? Oh my god. 

For example, I used to spend hours at a time every day in these types of arguments with my white french, and parisian boyfriend at the time, about racism. These types of people always are telling me that I am wrong. Or that it’s not as bad as I think it is, or blame it on the victim. When these people are fighting, defending, and standing up for the current racist systems and racists and say things like it was the victim’s fault, or it’s really not that bad…I just ask myself. Why are these people always playing devils advocate for these systems. Why are they spending hours in the day fighting tooth and nail defending the Patriarchy. Why are we getting into a heated argument? Like there’s heat, there’s fire, there’s a fight. They are fighting for these racist systems.

So I’m living with my white french boyfriend and sometimes I’d come home in tears because of the microaggressions and discrimination I faced.  And he would just be so cold about it, like it had nothing to do with him, and then he would start to question the veracity of my experience and start to gaslight me in my very home. And back then, I was still so sensitive to gaslighting. I wanted everyone to understand where I was coming from. My mental health and joy was on the decline. I had to get out of there. And I did. I did get out of there. But guess what I can’t get out of. Having to go to the ER, having to be seen by doctors who have not had compliance training, and so the issues remain.

Can you see that it would take such a lot of cruelty and mental density to, even under those circumstances, to not be able to see it. 

Your girlfriend is telling you about her lived experiences. Ones that you even saw with your own eyes when you’d go out with her.

Even when an entire population is yelling it! You don’t see it.

It’s talked about on the news everyday! You don’t see the big deal.

You can clearly see it with your own eyes, you can hear the people talking about it. You can hear me talking about it. 

There are documentaries about it. 

 I mean the list goes on. 

That kind of person would have to be just really incapable of processing the incoming data. It’s giving being sensually and mentally disconnected from the ability to digest and process the data. The incoming data from your senses. 

They have ears to hear but they do not hear, they have eyes to see, but they do..not…see… They are dense. There’s a density about them. They are the quintessential…”idiot”. 

 So let me think about this for a second. If you are fighting to uphold these systems that means you really like them, you are ok with them, you don’t see anything wrong with them, they don’t need changing, does that mean that you. are. them?

Think about the person who runs the farm where they force feed geese for their livers to be eaten. He would have to be so dense, so disconnected from nature, that he could hear the cries of the poor animals, and simultaneously be deaf to them. 

They don’t get it. They don’t feel it, they can’t see it. Does that not then mean that they are the perpetrators of it? 

You know, I get it. People get annoyed when all of these things are being brought up, but how can you live in a world with all of this! The whole thing needs to be changed!

How could I be happy in a world without racism but  sex trafficing would still exist. Or where animals are still stuffed into tiny cages for their whole lives to subsequently be eaten, but the tradeoff is that unbridled pollution is not still a thing. 

So it’s got to be the whole thing! All of it! The entire thing! The people and systems that are carrying out this cruelty, AND WHO ARE DEFENDING IT, have to be stopped! 

They don’t see the intricateness of all life. The connectedness of everything. 

So firstly, they can’t hear us, and then secondly they want to silence us too. For all of their saying they can’t hear us. They can’t hear the issue. They don’t think anything’s wrong. Why do they tell us to shut up so much? 

They are always demanding compliance. 

I promise you I do not comply. My screams will be so loud it will pierce through your attempts to silence me.

My banshee Woman cry will pierce above it.

I have seen the face of evil. I have witnessed pure evil. such that it is incomprehensible and boggles the mind in its audacity.

I have tested it. I have given it the benefit of the doubt. 

I know that everyone has hurt those around them. Everyone has lied. I have done all those things and I know that and I admit it and I have apologized and made amends as best as I could and tried to not do those things in the future. But for some reason, the ones who are pure evil hold their heads up high as they continue doing them. Their eyes glazed over as they smile, and as they look at you and say, “I don’t know what I’m doing”. And I’m screaming at them, “you are doing it, look you are doing it right now”. And they just keep on doing it and again saying “I’m not doing anything I’m not doing anything”.

So the question is, what part? What part needs changing the most? Is any one system in need of changing before any of the others?

No. Because what needs changing is the underlying principle behind these barbaric and cruel systems that value profits over beings.

What needs changing is the belief in the patriarchy, white supremacy and capitalism.

Asia, Central America, South America, and to the rest of the world we need you too. 

We all must start valuing people over profit.

Value the person instead of that person’s proximity to whiteness.

Whiteness does not equal sophistication. 

Examine the beauty standards that have been warped, and twisted and which favor whiteness above all. 

I sound like a hypocrite to myself because I know I sound white and I have used that privilege for myself time and time again. And now I’m hoping to put that privilege to good use. 

If I can acknowledge that privilege, as a black woman myself, why is it so hard for white people to acknowledge it?

Studies have been done. Implicit Bias is a real thing. Why then do you insist on lying to yourself and to me and telling me that you don’t have any implicit bias because members of your family are poc? Just stop for a minute and ask yourself, if…if that is correct…what would that look like in me? Start to unpack that for a moment. You are safe in the corridors of your own mind. You don’t even have to share those thoughts with anyone else. Shhh. No one has to know…you can do it. I believe in you.

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